I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
My ass is underappreciated
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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