I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
