what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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