Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
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