Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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