I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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