Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
