maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Randomize
