Me. At least after what I've been through.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
