Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
