oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize