I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
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