So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
