I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Randomize
