i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
His nipple licking is glorious
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