We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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