I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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