The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
This is the high leading the old right now
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
