First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
