I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
