Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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