tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Randomize
