Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
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