Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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