Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
