you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I don't deserve a penis
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
