i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
