I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Randomize
