please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize