I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
