She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
