Already got asked if we're dating
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
