So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
