No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
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