I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
