you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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