Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
