Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Who did Billy Mays play for?
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
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