I'm sorry my penis didn't work
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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