Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
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