I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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