i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
