Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Randomize