I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
