im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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