We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
