I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
