Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
