After last night, I could never be a politician.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I love you. Go after that dick
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
