Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Randomize
