If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize