I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
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