I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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