i was born a porn star she said
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
