using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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