I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
