I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Randomize