Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
