You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
