A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Randomize
