lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
