I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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