Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Randomize
