didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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