Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
