i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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