I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
That was before I lit my hair on fire
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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