Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
