he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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