Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
