this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Randomize
