I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
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