i don't like sucking hair
He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
