I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
