im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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