So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Randomize