what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
