Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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