i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
