I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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