what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
