Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
tell your sister to shave her snatch
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
